FADE IN:
After they introduce themselves, Mac (Justin Long) pulls out an iPad, PC (John Hodgman) pulls out a traditional note pad with a pen, and Seth (Seth Meyers) pulls out nothing.
Mac: Just this past week, we began selling the revolutionary iPad. It can pretty much do anything, someday it might even replace laptops completely.
PC: Well, we have had NotePad come free with our systems since the nineties. And no revolutionary product that we can’t complete with yet could replace that, or a traditional note pad.
Seth looks at Mac and PC, they look at him. Mac motions for him to hurry up.
Seth: I don’t have a Mac or a PC, they didn’t even give me a script.
Mac: The iPad has a full touch screen.
PC: I hate when people touch me.
Seth shrugs.
Seth: Why am I here?
Mac: The iPad has apps for just about anything. There is even an app that allows you to stream The Hollywood Pit Presents… live!
PC: Really? Can it stream The Tick too?
Mac: I suppose.
PC: That voice cast is so talented.
PC joins Mac as they play with the iPad. Seth walks off screen in the other direction. He mumbles to himself, “I never thought I’d miss being in the audience.”
CUT TO:
INT. STUDIO – DAY
The lights turn on around the set revealing a huge audience around a center stage with a 42 inch plasma screen hooked up to a G5 Apple Desktop along with a brand new MacBook Pro. A poster reads “The Hollywood Pit… Presents”. Odette Yustman walks onto the stage in a FBTV T-Shirt that has been cut just under her breast.
ODETTE: Hey everyone! Welcome back to The Hollywood Pit… Presents. First off, I have to thank our awesome viewers, this past week we were number 2 in the ratings! That is huge. Maybe with our higher ratings, we can stop these crazy budget cutbacks. For example, after week one’s ratings, they give me this half T-Shirt and said it was all of the wardrobe they could afford. I almost had to come out in my panties, luckily I wore these leather pants to work today.
Odette stops and looks around the audience.
ODETTE: I guess we will not have any interruptions today. That’s good. We have a lot of news for you today, and a surprise guest. First off we have some sad FBTV news. This is from across the lot and it is very reliable. Downtown and Badge of Justice have both officially been put on an indefinite hiatus. The network has told me it is for two, unrelated personal reasons from each of the show’s key producers. They are both expected to come back, and continue their current seasons in the future. Now, I doubt this is a surprise, so I asked the network for a juicy tidbit of news for the shows. They told me these three facts, but would not tell me which show (Downtown or Badge) they applied to…
- A series regular will die.
- A (different) series regular will leave.
- A character quits his (or her) job.
ODETTE: It should be interesting how this unfolds. While on the subject of TV, I have to talk about another series making the jump to the big screen…
“SPARKS: POST MORTEM!!!”
ODETTE: I kid you not, another (sorta) film rendition of the bomb squad drama turned irreverent comedy will be hitting theaters on the last Friday of this month, the 30th. The film is an independent arthouse release from Mac the Movie Guy, who also produced the TV series. The film is headlined by series regular LL Cool J, who is joined by John Cusack. I never thought I’d reference Sparks and John Cusack in the same sentence. I hope Mac knows what he is doing. Other faces in the cast include Mila Kunis, Eliza Dushku, Chris Evans, and Zack Galafanakis.
ODETTE: Codename: Canceled! HTG’s sole Anime series on Rogue TV has been put to rest. The series followed a high school student who is recruited to fight monsters for the government. Producer Blueothello is currently pitching the series to the other networks in hopes of finding a home for its second season. Will FBTV or DRTV pick up the struggling series? Or will it find a home in the brand new world of HTG Cable TV? The recently canceled DRTV series T.G is coming back as a film series, could Codename: Ghost make that same jump?
Odette is about to change topics when red and blue lights flash and smoke fills the entrance of the stage. The Superman theme beings to play and Eddie Cibrian walks out waving to the crowd. He is wearing a black Superman T-Shirt with a silver S.
The Superman music gets louder and louder before it cuts off. The giant screen behind Eddie and Odette is a glowing graphic of the Superman “S” logo.
ODETTE: Eddie Cibrian everyone! Well, Eddie, what brings you to the studio today?
EDDIE: I’d love to take a moment and talk about my new project.
ODETTE: (with a smile) I wonder what project that is…
EDDIE: Well, I’m glad you asked.
Odette mouths “I didn’t ask…” The Superman music resumes faint in the background.
Eddie takes center stage and poses with his hands at his side.
EDDIE: I’m proud to announce that shooting has begun on… (Eddie smiles) Horror City!
ODETTE: Wait a minute. Wait… a minute! You have to be kidding…
EDDIE: (nodding) I am kidding, I’m here to talk about our new Superman film, Superman: Genesis.
ODETTE: That is more like it! What do you have for us?
EDDIE: Actually, nothing that I can say about the film would really do it justice.
Odette looks sad.
EDDIE: So I brought a clip from our first week of shooting!
Odette perks up and jumps up and down.
EDDIE: Presenting for the first time anywhere, a short clip from Superman: Genesis!
The lights go dim.
FADE IN:
EXT. SKY - SUNSET The bright lights form all sorts of colors and shapes across the multi colored sky. The sound of a oncoming aircraft can be heard but as it gets closer and closer, the noise gets louder. The CAMERA spins around to see a flash of blue, red and yellow blazes over the camera breaking the sound barrier and shaking the screen. The CAMERA then speeds up to catch up with the with the red, blue and yellow blur. It stops in mid air and reveals itself to be a man dressed in blue tight fitting bodysuit with a red belt that forms into a yellow "S" symbol in the middle and then on the chest then is the same "S" symbol but with red and a little bigger, flapping in the wind is a red cape. This is SUPERMAN (Eddie Cibrian). Superman is hovering over a perfectly formed ice crystal structure. He floats down into a hole. INT. FORTRESS OF SOLIDTUDE - CONTINUOUS Superman floats down and lands softly on the snowy ground. He looks around. He walks over to a what looks to be a console made of crystals. He takes one crystal and inserts into a slot on the left. The console comes to life with a low hum. An image of a man begins to form in front of Superman. He is wearing a red robe over black underclothes. He has yellow circle like a halo around his head and on his chest is the same symbol that is on Superman's. This is JOR-EL (Bruce Campbell). JOR-EL Hello Kal-El. It has been a long time since your last visit. SUPERMAN I know Father, but I've been busy. JOR-EL Your irresponsibilities on your adopted world must never outweigh you own. SUPERMAN I need guidance Father. All my life I have lived among the humans, hiding who I really I am. I just want to be normal. JOR-EL Your desire to be normal is understandable Kal-El, But you must remember that your uniqueness is why I sent you to Earth. SUPERMAN It was planned that I came here? JOR-EL When I learned of Krypton's impending destruction. I searched the stars for a planet like ours and I found Earth. You were nothing but a child when you left us Kal-El. I sent you to Earth because they are a primitive race. I needed you to learn what the human life values. Values that we on Krypton forgot long before our destruction. SUPERMAN Father, I've fallen in love and I want to spend my life with her. I'm asking you is there anyway that I may become human? JOR-EL My son. I wish I could hold you in my arms and tell you everything will be okay. But I cannot. On Earth you are a symbol for hope and justice. But my son, you have not yet realized how far your influence will reach. Your greatest challenge lies just ahead of you, but your journey is only just beginning. Jor-El fades away to nothing as Superman watches him go before lifting himself into the sky as the "Superman Hero March" begins to play. As it reaches its peak, the Superman logo glides onto the screen with the date 2010 underneath it. FADE TO BLACK. Suddenly, a maniacal laughter can be heard and a face appears on screen. He has a goatee and short buzz cut. His eyes are flaring red. This is GENERAL ZOD (Jude Law). ZOD Oh yes son of Jor-El. Your greatest challenge does lie in front of you. But you just like so many before will Kneel Before Zod! He laughs manically. FADE TO BLACK.
The camera fades up to reveal Odette sitting at the Apple computer station. A lower third on the screen reads “True or False?”
ODETTE: Okay, it is time to get down to the truth behind the latest gossip and rumors in a segment we call True or False.
Rumor has it that Lucian is stepping down from Rogue TV. Please tell me this is false!!!
ODETTE: I’m sorry, but this rumor is True. Shortly after the next round of syndication, Lucian will be stepping down from Rogue TV and passing the torch of network head-er-ship to someone new. A few big TV producers have thrown their names in the running, but I doubt we’ll find out who gets the gig until after the current session ends. Word from the street is that it is still anyone’s game.
I heard that T.G will be fully recast when it gets made into a movie.
ODETTE: That is False! The Flip Brothers Studio has assured us that all of the major players from T.G will be back, but expect the film to have a fresh new name. The studio is giving Safron the chance to go much bigger with the material than TV would allow. Expect a full blown gang war!
Nicholas Cage is going to be a new horror monster in The Trashman.
ODETTE: This is Mostly True. Cage will portray a disgruntled man who kills evil people and disposes of their bodies in dumpsters. Tim Burton is directing, with his regulars Johnny Depp and (wife) Helena Bonham Carter co-starring. It is currently scheduled for a July 2nd release with Checkmate Pictures.
TCW, HTG’s #1 Wrestling program, is ending.
ODETTE: While the show is going on hiatus, its first since HTG: TV began 8 sessions ago, it is not being canceled. Lucian, the show’s sole writer/producer is just taking some time to work on other projects. He has assured those high in TCW’s production team, that the show and film series will continue. We’re going to try and get Lucian on the show as a guest next week. Hopefully he can shed some more light on the future of TCW.
Fear itself 3 is going to miss its release date later this month.
ODETTE: FALSE! I got on the phone with series exectutive producer Quantum, and he assured us that the film will come out as scheduled. He was even kind enough to supply us with this awesome teaser poster for the short titled “Itch.”
ODETTE: This particular short is written by RandomFX with direction by Robert Kurtzman. The short follows the simple concept of having an “itch that you can’t scratch.” No matter what you do, you can’t seem to get it or find relief for the problem. In the case of poor Eric, it gets worse and worse, blisters and starts over taking his body. If he can’t figure out what it is soon, it might completely over take him and drive him mad.
FRANCHISE BUYS
Lets see what the latest franchise purchases are.
- After Mac’s failed attempt to buy Mass Effect, he has gone ahead and put down 92 million dollars for the rights to Invasion Of The Body Snatchers. Will he take the concept to theaters or TV?
- Back on March 19th, Lucian won Twin Peaks in the franchise game.
There are quite a few other notable franchise price checks, but they have not been purchased yet.
- The beloved cartoon/live action mixed film Who Framed Roger Rabbit? is on the block for 80 million dollars.
- John Byrne’s comic book Next Men has been priced at 26 million dollars.
- Megas XLR has a price tag of 19 million dollars.
Overall this was a light week in terms of franchises. Twin Peaks could make a killer film series. Using the concept and starting new could creative something very original.
Odette walks out in front of the audience.
ODETTE: Thanks for joining us tonight, we’ll see you next week.
Odette waves and walks into the audience. She chats them up as we…
FADE OUT:
ODETTE: Thank you for joining us tonight on The Hollywood Pit Presents. See you NEXT week!
